Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
