I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
