This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
