i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
