I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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