For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
