My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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