It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Randomize
