I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
