Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
