Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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