the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
