i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
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