WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
