if i can run in heels then i can drive
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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