I just pynch a tree in the face
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My breasts were aching with rage.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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