i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
