if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
