how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
