sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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