R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
