yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
