Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
