I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
