She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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