The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i've created a new STD.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
