He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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