Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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