I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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