Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
