Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
