Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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