shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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