Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
