i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
smell my finger.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
