I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
