apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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