Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
