She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
