I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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