ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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