Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My balls are so social today.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
as a side note pls kill me
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
