today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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