I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
