The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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