she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
