We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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