I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
