I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
