He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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