yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
