I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
