I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
